Psalm for Tonight

The lawnmower is not fixed and no money miraculously appeared.

No new clients.  No new job.

Buried in bills and stress.

No open doors - or so it would appear.

But there is one.  There is an open door.  

Jesus.

The way.

The truth.

Life.

Love.

I can cry and squirm under this unbearable weight...

Or I can look at Him.  And praise Him.  And thank Him for what I have at this moment.

At the end of my last post (just a couple of hours ago) I said "God is still good".  That is true.

This is the psalm I'm hanging onto tonight (the empasis/bolding is mine):

Psalm 138 (NIV)

I will praise you, O Lord, with all my heart;

before the "gods" I will sing your praise.

I will bow down toward your holy temple

and will praise your name

for your love and your faithfulness,

for you have exalted above all things 

your name and your word.

When I called, you answered me;

you made me bold and stouthearted.

May all the kings of the earth praise you, O Lord,

when they hear the words of your mouth.

May they sing of the ways of the Lord,

for the glory of the Lord is great.

Though the Lord is on high, he looks upon the lowly, 

but the proud he knows from afar.

Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you preserve my life;

you stretch out your hand against the anger of my foes,

with your right hand you save me.

The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me;

your love, O Lord, endures forever -

do not abandon the works of your hands.

The Lawnmower Saga

My lawn mower kept breaking.  It finally went kaput big time and I can't afford to get it fixed.

I was using the weedeater.  That is until I over-used it and it caught on fire.  So no more weedeater.

A friend lent me a lawn mower.  The lawn mower she lent to me had been lent to her.  Her lending this to me had been a surprise and I was very grateful.  I've been able to keep the grass cut.  Yay!

Tonight I took this electric lawn mower of hers out front and started mowing the lawn.  Suddenly there was a bang and a whole lot of smoke.

No, I didn't run over anything.

No, I don't think the grass was too long.

The lawn mower is kaput - and it's not mine.

How am I going to buy this woman a new lawn mower when I can't even pay my hydro and phone bills... any bills?  

And how am I going to keep the grass cut so that the neighbours don't get upset and the city doesn't fine me?

The Bible does say in Malachi that God would rebuke the devourer.  I didn't think that meant the grass devourer.

Before I went out there to cut the grass I'd been feeling quite discouraged.  I thought that perhaps doing something constructive, getting something accomplished would make me feel better.

So should I sit in my flooded basement or outside in my yard that looks terrible?  Hey, maybe if I start building an ark in my front yard it will distract people from the poor appearance of the lawn and garden.

Sheesh.  I should have gone for a run instead.

God is still good.

Not Quittin'

I'm not quittin'.

In spite of what the circumstances look like on the outside, in spite of what some people might think, God hasn't quit on me.

If He's not quittin' on me, then I'm not quittin' on Him.

He's got my back, so I'm goin' forward.

(Hey... I didn't say where I'm going forward TO, 'cause I dunno, but I'll just keep going and trust He'll stop me from going over a cliff or something.)

Choosing to Laugh Instead

Tough times... hard to suck it up every day...

No answers.  Impossible situation.  Nothing I can do.  Pulling the covers over my head and waiting for the train to run over me is an option.  Stopping the train is not something that is within my power.

I'm choosing to find something to laugh about while God does whatever it is that He's going to do.

Flying

My legs were killin' me today.  Still, I knew I had to go out running again.  So I did.

So I run about 5 feet and I'm tired already.  

What the heck is that?!  Sheesh!

Of course, I keep going.  Down to the water again.

I pass by some fishermen.

I'm tired; Thinking about just walking for awhile.

Then a little boy comes from out of nowhere.  He runs in front of me, grins at me, and starts running alongside of me.  I can't help but smile.

I say to him, "Are you racing me?"

He says nothing, just gives me this gigantic smile and runs just ahead of me for a moment or two before veering off and going back.

Man, my legs are very sore.

I pass by a guy on a scooter.  He's disabled.  He's smoking a cigarette.  He looks weary.  I'm suddenly grateful for my sore legs.

Running harder now, praise in my heart...

Jesus loves me and I'm alive.

Pouring it on, drenched in sweat, eyes burning...

I can fly.

I run.

Wind in my hair.

I can fly.

On wings like eagles

I am flying.

Jesus will take me all the way.

He'll take me across.

He'll never leave me nor forsake me.

Breath-taking

Wow.  It's been a loonng time since my last post.  I wasn't sure if I'd be back.  So much has happened.... There's no way I can catch up, so I might as well just begin with today.

I've been feeling like God wants me to get physically strong again.  I've been meaning to exercise... Yep.  I'll be obedient - later.  Guess I'm no different from other kids.  Lucky for me that God is a forgiving and patient Father.

So I went running tonight.

Hey... am I not supposed to feel really good?  You know, energized and all that?  hmmm.. So when is that supposed to happen?

I'm grateful that I can run at all.  My legs work.  My lungs work.  The place where I live is much safer than other places in this world.  I even have decent shoes and everyone who runs knows that decent shoes are necessary to prevent injury.

I ran.  One block... then another... getting tired already after only two blocks.... c'mon, push it.

I could smell cigarette smoke.  I could smell green.  

Yeah, I said green.

You know... like leaves and grass and things.

Sneezed a couple of times.

I ran down to the water.  The sun was getting low in the sky.  I thanked God for His glory, for His masterful artistry.  Between the colours in the sky, reflections on the water, animals, flora... beautiful.  And this is but one scene on one day in one place in this vast universe and infinite time.  His creativity is endless.

Oh... I forgot that I was running, forgot to get tired.  I was too busy having my breath being taken away to lose my breath.

As I ran up a hill I spotted a little boy.  His back was to me and he was pushing his bike up the hill.  His bike that was bigger than him, with the training wheels... The little guy's helmet seemed huge on top of his little body.

As I approached I prayed silently, "God bless this little boy.  Please bless his life."

As I passed the child I glanced over at him.  He looked up from his chore of pushing that bike.  I saw in his hand a flower.

And I loved him.