Dread

Picked up a new case last night.  This is a huge opportunity and may well be the breakthrough I need.

But it requires time and a lot of my energy.

I'm happy to give that.  I don't know how much I have to give, though because this night job is sucking the life out of me.  Not to mention the lack of time.

I want to cry.

Every single day, I dread going in to the night job.  I'm tired from the day job and know I still have to go put in another full workday at a place I hate doing a job I despise, every day feeling the negative effects on my physical and mental health.

I can't go to church.  I can't see my family.  I have trouble making plans to do anything with anybody, so people just stop bothering to try - and I completely understand (I've stopped trying, too, for the most part).  My house is a mess, and I still can't pay the bills.

What's the point?

I want so much to simply not show up tonight.  To heck with them.

The problem is that the "them" are real human beings who would have a really tough time if I didn't show up.  I can't do it to them.

But I'm getting to my breaking point.

I just cannot keep on like this.

God, please lift me out of this mess.  I can't do any more.  My body cannot take anymore.

I need out of that night job and I need clients who can and do pay for the services provided them.

Prayers would be appreciated.