Wobbling along...

Nopes.  Bloggie not broken.  I eated it.

Okay - I didn't eat the blog, but my dogs did eat my black pumps.  My favorite black pumps.  The sensible black pumps that matched with everything.  The ones I could actually walk in instead of the ones to which my poor soles have been relegated.  

I am re-learning how to wobble, erm, I mean walk.  I use to walk all over the place in these things ... these things that are called shoes but are really an ancient form of torture disguised as fashion - which in this case are out of fashion anyway.

Am I making sense?

It's late.

On her blog my friend wrote about her "jimmy legs" - itchy twitchy keep-you-awake-until- you-wanna-yell kind of thing.  I could relate, perhaps too well, because my legs felt sympathy itchy twitchies.  Didn't know legs had empathy.

Okay - this is crazy talk.   But it's okay.  I can do that here because my boss doesn't read this.  She does read facebook.

Tomorrow I'm wearing my runners.  And I'll be sure to securely close the closet door when I put my shoes away at night.  The household critters will have to settle for eating socks out of the laundry, the couch and.... alas.... poor Tinkerbell.

Couch Fixed

Hai!

I iz on da blog!

I sneeked in and got on da puter to blog to u.  Wen i iz finushed i mite eat da mouse.  Mousez not just for catz.

Mommy cleened da up... uphol... da holsertie... you know - da couch.  She said she hadz to do it cuz me and my sister got into da garbage and put it all over da couch.  Mommy said it smellz bad.

Mommy putted shampooz on da couch to cleenz it.  Da shampooz smellz funnie.

Iz okai tho.

I fixeded it.

I frowed up on it.

Den me and my sister rolled in it.

Smellz good now.

oh ya, and I frowed up on Mommy's pillow too so she can have good smellz.

Oops... i gotz to go - i thinkz i hearz the mailman!

Mothered

I got mothered this weekend and loved it.

I went to see my friend, L, on Friday night.  The purpose of the visit was so that we could pray together for the church and our people.  First we were going to have dinner together.

We did eat together - she cooked and I helped.  And I talked my head off.  She listened a lot.  There were moments of teaching, like when she explained that I should save dirty napkins to use to wipe the grease out of pans so that I don't have to waste paper towels.  I smiled and stored that in my memory bank.  (One never knows when such tidbits will come in handy.)

We did pray together, after I talked my head off even more and she let me.  Then she went into her freezer and started pulling out stuff... some bread, butter, a ham.. and gave it to me.  This woman is not rich (financially anyway) and she was giving me things.  I stood and watched her.  

I said, "You are mothering me."

She looked up at me and smiled.  "Yes.  But you like it."

I smiled back and said, "I love it."  And that is true.  Before I left she gave me a big hug.

Today at church Pastor R's wife gave me a big squishy hug.  She's never done that before.  (Mind you, I don't let a lot of people get too near me).  Again I felt mothered (shhh... don't tell her... I'm not sure that she's old enough to be motherly to a person my age...) and I loved that hug from her.  Then she and Pastor R took me to lunch with them and I felt taken care of again.

I suppose I could have gone without these things.  After all, I've gone without for so long... but these people gave this and it was good for me and I am grateful.

Psalm for Tonight

The lawnmower is not fixed and no money miraculously appeared.

No new clients.  No new job.

Buried in bills and stress.

No open doors - or so it would appear.

But there is one.  There is an open door.  

Jesus.

The way.

The truth.

Life.

Love.

I can cry and squirm under this unbearable weight...

Or I can look at Him.  And praise Him.  And thank Him for what I have at this moment.

At the end of my last post (just a couple of hours ago) I said "God is still good".  That is true.

This is the psalm I'm hanging onto tonight (the empasis/bolding is mine):

Psalm 138 (NIV)

I will praise you, O Lord, with all my heart;

before the "gods" I will sing your praise.

I will bow down toward your holy temple

and will praise your name

for your love and your faithfulness,

for you have exalted above all things 

your name and your word.

When I called, you answered me;

you made me bold and stouthearted.

May all the kings of the earth praise you, O Lord,

when they hear the words of your mouth.

May they sing of the ways of the Lord,

for the glory of the Lord is great.

Though the Lord is on high, he looks upon the lowly, 

but the proud he knows from afar.

Though I walk in the midst of trouble, you preserve my life;

you stretch out your hand against the anger of my foes,

with your right hand you save me.

The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me;

your love, O Lord, endures forever -

do not abandon the works of your hands.

The Lawnmower Saga

My lawn mower kept breaking.  It finally went kaput big time and I can't afford to get it fixed.

I was using the weedeater.  That is until I over-used it and it caught on fire.  So no more weedeater.

A friend lent me a lawn mower.  The lawn mower she lent to me had been lent to her.  Her lending this to me had been a surprise and I was very grateful.  I've been able to keep the grass cut.  Yay!

Tonight I took this electric lawn mower of hers out front and started mowing the lawn.  Suddenly there was a bang and a whole lot of smoke.

No, I didn't run over anything.

No, I don't think the grass was too long.

The lawn mower is kaput - and it's not mine.

How am I going to buy this woman a new lawn mower when I can't even pay my hydro and phone bills... any bills?  

And how am I going to keep the grass cut so that the neighbours don't get upset and the city doesn't fine me?

The Bible does say in Malachi that God would rebuke the devourer.  I didn't think that meant the grass devourer.

Before I went out there to cut the grass I'd been feeling quite discouraged.  I thought that perhaps doing something constructive, getting something accomplished would make me feel better.

So should I sit in my flooded basement or outside in my yard that looks terrible?  Hey, maybe if I start building an ark in my front yard it will distract people from the poor appearance of the lawn and garden.

Sheesh.  I should have gone for a run instead.

God is still good.

Not Quittin'

I'm not quittin'.

In spite of what the circumstances look like on the outside, in spite of what some people might think, God hasn't quit on me.

If He's not quittin' on me, then I'm not quittin' on Him.

He's got my back, so I'm goin' forward.

(Hey... I didn't say where I'm going forward TO, 'cause I dunno, but I'll just keep going and trust He'll stop me from going over a cliff or something.)

Choosing to Laugh Instead

Tough times... hard to suck it up every day...

No answers.  Impossible situation.  Nothing I can do.  Pulling the covers over my head and waiting for the train to run over me is an option.  Stopping the train is not something that is within my power.

I'm choosing to find something to laugh about while God does whatever it is that He's going to do.

Flying

My legs were killin' me today.  Still, I knew I had to go out running again.  So I did.

So I run about 5 feet and I'm tired already.  

What the heck is that?!  Sheesh!

Of course, I keep going.  Down to the water again.

I pass by some fishermen.

I'm tired; Thinking about just walking for awhile.

Then a little boy comes from out of nowhere.  He runs in front of me, grins at me, and starts running alongside of me.  I can't help but smile.

I say to him, "Are you racing me?"

He says nothing, just gives me this gigantic smile and runs just ahead of me for a moment or two before veering off and going back.

Man, my legs are very sore.

I pass by a guy on a scooter.  He's disabled.  He's smoking a cigarette.  He looks weary.  I'm suddenly grateful for my sore legs.

Running harder now, praise in my heart...

Jesus loves me and I'm alive.

Pouring it on, drenched in sweat, eyes burning...

I can fly.

I run.

Wind in my hair.

I can fly.

On wings like eagles

I am flying.

Jesus will take me all the way.

He'll take me across.

He'll never leave me nor forsake me.

Breath-taking

Wow.  It's been a loonng time since my last post.  I wasn't sure if I'd be back.  So much has happened.... There's no way I can catch up, so I might as well just begin with today.

I've been feeling like God wants me to get physically strong again.  I've been meaning to exercise... Yep.  I'll be obedient - later.  Guess I'm no different from other kids.  Lucky for me that God is a forgiving and patient Father.

So I went running tonight.

Hey... am I not supposed to feel really good?  You know, energized and all that?  hmmm.. So when is that supposed to happen?

I'm grateful that I can run at all.  My legs work.  My lungs work.  The place where I live is much safer than other places in this world.  I even have decent shoes and everyone who runs knows that decent shoes are necessary to prevent injury.

I ran.  One block... then another... getting tired already after only two blocks.... c'mon, push it.

I could smell cigarette smoke.  I could smell green.  

Yeah, I said green.

You know... like leaves and grass and things.

Sneezed a couple of times.

I ran down to the water.  The sun was getting low in the sky.  I thanked God for His glory, for His masterful artistry.  Between the colours in the sky, reflections on the water, animals, flora... beautiful.  And this is but one scene on one day in one place in this vast universe and infinite time.  His creativity is endless.

Oh... I forgot that I was running, forgot to get tired.  I was too busy having my breath being taken away to lose my breath.

As I ran up a hill I spotted a little boy.  His back was to me and he was pushing his bike up the hill.  His bike that was bigger than him, with the training wheels... The little guy's helmet seemed huge on top of his little body.

As I approached I prayed silently, "God bless this little boy.  Please bless his life."

As I passed the child I glanced over at him.  He looked up from his chore of pushing that bike.  I saw in his hand a flower.

And I loved him.