No Time For Navel-Gazin'

I prepared my statement re the cash issues. I did all the background work to do what I could to ensure that innocent bystanders were protected from being unfairly drawn in or blamed. My statement and accompanying letter is such that it would hold up in a court.

When it comes to doing these sorts of things there are always concerns about being in trouble oneself for coming forward, you know, the shoot the messenger thing. There are concerns about being viewed or labelled as a trouble-maker or whiner. I've seen plenty of cases where a person who tells about wrongdoing ends up unemployed or harassed. Just like everyone else, all of those things crossed my mind. But I know that I know that I'm doing the right thing.

Funny thing about knowing what the right thing to do is..... once you know what it is, it's pretty much impossible NOT to do it.

Besides that, other people are going through so much right now that this is no time for me to be navel-gazing and pondering. I know who I am and I know what needs to be done. This is one of those times when one takes action (appropriately, of course).

I will be seeing the senior boss in person tomorrow.

Something else happened related to that. Last night, Chitra (remember - she's the one who faced that racist), was going to quit! That's a shocker.

The reason why? This same manager who is messing with the cash and who wants the rides home.

Because the cash was wrong so many times on Chitra's register, she is concerned that people will think that she is doing something wrong. I found out tonight that Chitra has been replacing shortfalls in the cash with money out of her own pocket.

That's not the only reason for her desire to quit, though. This manager treats Chitra like a servant, like less than a servant. She bullies and bosses and is very rude. Chitra always smiles and does what she's told, but inside she hurts. She's too nice to talk back.

I learned of this and approached Chitra and, without saying I knew anything, just mentioned to her that not only do I think she's a wonderful employee, but that everyone else knows it, too.

She burst into tears.

This is a strong, sweet, loving woman who never seems to get flustered. And here she was melting into a puddle before my eyes.

She let it all out. She told me everything (I already knew, but she thought no one knew). She begged me not to tell anyone how she was reacting.

I WANT to tell! I want to tell the senior boss how one of our very best employees has been abased and hurt so much. I want it to stop!

But I promised Chitra, so I won't tell. BUT I will do enough and tell enough to make sure that the senior boss finds out what's happening.

And I didn't tell Chitra this, but I told myself, and now you, that when that manager is working and Chitra is also working, I will be getting in the way. I will ensure that I put myself between Chitra and that manager and be as much of a buffer and protector as I can. You know... I don't think I'm capable of NOT doing that.

After Chitra and I talked, she came to me and threw her arms around me like a wounded child throws herself at her mother (Chitra is about 60 years old, by the way).

The other person who is suffering today is my male tenant. He's 24 years old and works hard for his minimum wage. His brother is the psychopath. His mother is a bit of a character and she self-medicates with alcohol, but she and this boy love each other dearly. There have been times in the past when this boy has worked to support his mom.

She is getting thrown out of where she lives. The reason - the psychopath son who keeps manipulating his way into "crashing" at her place when he's not supposed to be there.

Also, she has just been diagnosed with severe clinical depression. She's been on a couple of different medications with poor results. She's in no shape to work.

The boy (my tenant) came to me today. He was unusually nervous. He told me the whole story. Understand that this boy doesn't tell anyone anything. He's not a talker. He told me he doesn't know how long he can live here because he may have to take care of his mom. He likely won't be able to give me proper notice. That sucks big time for me because I need that notice and the income, but again, it's no time to be thinking about how it impacts me.

You know what he said? He said that he thinks that the reason his mother is depressed is partly because of his brother, but partly because of him because he didn't finish school and that disappointed her.

Hearing that made me want to cry.

I told him that it's true that circumstances can start someone down a road to depression, but that there are actual chemical changes that take place in the brain. I told him that he cannot fix what has happened to his mom and that it is not his fault she is suffering this. I don't think that really sunk in.

I pointed out to him that once again the responsibility fell on his shoulders alone to take care of everything. That seemed to hit a nerve with him, but he recovered enough to shrug his shoulders and pretend like it was all okay.

I wanted to hug him, but if I'd done that, I think he'd have fainted.

Thoughts of bringing the mother here are going through my head. I don't know if that's such a good idea.... but my heart wants so much to help these people.

If you can, if you can remember, when you pray, would you say a prayer for these people? For the woman I call Chitra, for this wayward manager, for the senior boss who has to deal with this, for my male tenant and his mom and even the psychopath brother.

I know that's a lot to ask. I will be praying for these people.

And God, thank you for showing me the way out of my negative and miserable attitude in time.