Tithing and Scraping

I believe in tithing.  I believe if everyone was to give, then no one would need anything - in an ideal world.  Of course we don't live in an ideal world, but that doesn't mean I shouldn't do my part as an individual.  Maybe my little drop in the bucket doesn't mean anything to most people, but I also know that the ocean is comprised of single drops.

The money I've pulled in falls far short of covering the bills, even basic needs.  This makes it very difficult on a mental and emotional level to tithe or donate money.  So today I was really struggling with this.  I was putting my meager donation into the envelope to give, and swallowing hard against the lump in my throat the whole time.  Then I felt bad because I wasn't giving cheerfully.

Guilt is a strange animal.  Sometimes I think I should rid myself of all forms of guilt, but then I think that guilt can be a useful thing; It prevents people from doing rotten things.  There are people walking around who feel no guilt and they hurt other people without thought or concern.  I don't want to be like that.

I'm supposed to be in church right now, but I'm too darned tired and I have much to do before I have to go to work.  There's  a lot going on in this household that I have to take care of and I still have to get ready for work at the day job this week as well, so I don't feel guilty about not going to church.  

Anyway, back to the money issues...  Over a number of years I collected reward points.  It was time to cash them in.  I looked at what I could get.  There were some nice things, but I don't want or need more "stuff".  I need to pay the hydro bill, the water bill, the morgage, etc.  More stuff isn't going to help me do that.  I discovered I could get cash for my points, so that's what I did.  It wasn't a lot - not even enough to pay a single bill- but it was something.  I tithed from that, too and put the rest of it towards my debt load.  

I wonder what people think when they get payments from me - $10, $14.50, silly little numbers, the kinds of payments that most people wouldn't even bother with, the kinds of payments that people laugh at.  But for me $10 is a big deal and it's still better than nothing.

After I put my tithe in the envelope, I went into my closet to get the ironing out so that my clothes for this week are ready (I won't have time to take care of it later).  I saw a bag in the back of the closet.  I picked it up and realized that it was a bag of pennies.  I rolled up the pennies and found I had $1 less than the amount of money I'd just put in the church envelope.  Interesting timing, isn't it.  .  .