Cranky

I'm feeling very cranky and I don't know why.

Maybe it's that I've crunched some numbers and found that I'm still short $2608.00 every month.

Maybe it's because my body is soo tired all of the time and I'm tired of being tired.

I know I'm mad at myself today for falling asleep this morning and messing up my day - nothing accomplished. And I have to go to work at the other job and am now rushing around (don't like rushing, but it's all I seem to do anymore).

Maybe it's because I don't have time to do any of the things I need to do to take care of things around the house.

Maybe it's because... oh, the list goes on...

Maybe it just doesn't matter why I feel this way. The bottom line is that this is the way I feel and I've simply got to deal with it.

You see, when I'm feeling crusty or cranky I still don't think it's right or fair for anyone else to suffer for that - but it is harder to be patient, to be reasonable, to act out of love rather than how I feel at the moment.

But at least I'm aware of this. That means I can make a choice. I can make a conscious and concerted effort to act like a human being (instead of a bear - although sometimes I think bears are nicer than people - that's another conversation....).

Yes, everyone knows how I acted with the neighbour and my friend that day a few weeks ago... I'm not saying I'm always successful here :) But that was not the norm for me.

So today I will pray for the Holy Spirit to be very present in me, that He will help me to be Christlike instead of like myself. In the end, though, that is more like me than not because the Holy Spirit IS in me, is a part of who I am.

I also know that if I try on my own to be "nice" that I'll fail or come out with some mixed up version of what that is. I know that it will be Jesus who inspires and helps me.

Hey... what do you suppose Jesus would have done with the gossiping situation last night?