Freedom

Hi, everyone. :)

Long post tonight, but I think it's worth the read. (Of course I would say that, eh, given that I wrote it. :) )

I went to the night job during the day so I could get some time with the boss and hand in my written statement.

When I arrived I was surprised to see that her boss was there and his boss was there, too.

It was a little funny and a bit interesting because her boss didn't recognize me. He was giving me a look, a quizzical stare that said, "I know you but I can't figure out how I know you." I figured he didn't recognize me because I was all dressed up for the day job and he'd seen me wearing my silly little restaurant uniform with my hair stuffed up under the hat that goes with the uniform. I reminded him of the conversation we'd had before. He remembered it but was still looking at me funny.

I smiled to myself about that. I am the same person whether I'm dressed up or in a funny uniform or wearing my jeans. Yet even people who know I'm the same person sometimes respond very differently. I let that bounce around in my brain while I waited for the boss to come and see me.

Of course, the other staff saw me there talking to the boss, so there was some whispering going on. And then there were those who had to come and look, but pretend they weren't looking.

The boss wore no facial expression as she read my letter and statement.

hmmm... 'she's been here before', I thought.

She told me I did the right thing and that she wished more people would come to her with such documentation. She looked at the stack of documents I'd written and nodded her head and said, "This is excellent."

I was relieved.

She asked for my comments. I gave them, but was careful.

Before entering the building, I had taken a moment out in the parking lot to pray and ask God to help me to be fair and proper. I didn't really feel His presence during the meeting, but I did trust that He was there. It occurred to me that the fact that the other bosses happened to need to be there today anyway was a God set up.

I also told her about Chitra. I didn't tell everything, but did say enough to make it clear what kind of problem there was. I came right out and said that if she continued to schedule Chitra on the same shifts as this manager, we would lose Chitra and that would indeed be a loss.

She said she wouldn't be scheduling the two of them together anymore. I am feeling cautious relief about that.

But guess who IS going to be scheduled to work with this manager.... yep. Yours truly.

The boss said that she and her boss and his boss would deal with this manager. I know they dealt with her today.

So tonight we did work together - A lot of staff for the first several hours, but then at the end it was Chitra, The Wicked Step-Sister, The Wayward Manager, and me.

When I arrived for my shift, the manager stared icy darts at me.

I met her eyes and held the gaze, very conscious of my feelings, attitudes and facial expression. I was telling myself that neither fear nor guilt were allowed to enter my emotion, but neither were anger or defensiveness.

I got ready for my shift and punched in.

Immediately it started.

She started ordering me around. I don't care if she does that. What I did care about was that she was doing it incessantly and it was interfering with my ability to do the job I was supposed to be doing.

I thought, "Here we go."

Then I thought, "Wait... don't even think that, because you'll just be annoyed at every little part of her game. Don't play the game. Just don't play."

So I made a decision. I would do my job first and I would do everything I could to meet all of her demands without resentment or negative thought.

That is what I did.

I noticed something else, though. I noticed that she was pretty much on the warpath with everyone and they were getting frustrated and they were getting snippy with each other and with me.

I decided that I would forgive every snippy, negative, lousy thing from all of them - before they even did it. (remember the friend who came to my home who I was so rude to? She had forgiven me before I even did what I did. So I learned this from her.)

Forgiving them was very easy - especially once I could see what was really happening and understand where they were coming from. The hard part was not only to not allow myself to get sucked down or de-energized, but to keep myself up. After that, my task (self-assigned) was to try to help them emotionally. And I don't think that any of them were aware of the dynamics in the situation.

I forced myself to smile. Not a fake smile. I dug deep until I found the way of thinking, of feeling, of being, the sense of my self and the connectedness we all have with each other and God, and I was able to come out with genuine smiles for them. Genuine "please" and "thank you" and "hey, you do a good job with such-and-such" and "how are you".

That was kinda cool all by itself. But then...

Then something really cool happened.

Little by little, they got less snippy, a bit lighter, less wrapped up in their frustrations. Little by little, the smiles came. Then the laughter. Even the Wayward Manager was smiling (in between trying to stare me down).

The black cloud was starting to dissipate. (This took hours, but it was still happening)

By the way, I am NOT taking credit for this. This was God working with me; I just had to allow Him to do it (which is sometimes harder than it sounds - at least I think so anyway). I had to get myself out of my way; I had to get myself out of His way.

I continued to be kind and respectful to the Wayward Manager.

Her stares became different. She seemed confused, unsure of what to make of me in relation to her.

I observed that, thought it was interesting, and continued on.

Every time she went for Chitra, I got in the way - sometimes physically. It was obvious to both her and Chitra what I was doing, but I didn't care.

She laid off of Chitra. Chitra recognized this and got teary eyed and kept hugging me.

I think... I hope... that tonight Chitra saw and felt that she is loved.

Then something else cool happened.

I did something I didn't expect myself to do, but it just came out of me. I won't go into detail because this post is too long already, but I did something unusually nice and on a personal level for that guy - the psychopath brother (not sure if I told you, but he also just got hired where I work). Side note: I know that by telling that I did something good I take my own blessing away, but it's okay because I wasn't doing it to get a blessing anyway. Besides, I DID get an unexpected blessing from it. Cool how God multiplies these things....

That made the Wayward Manager even more confused and curious.

Finally she asked. "Why did you do that for him?"

I told her, "Because he is a human being. No matter what I think of him, he is still God's child."

That was an open door for me to explain to her that just because I dislike someone's behaviour, it doesn't mean that I dislike the person and it certainly doesn't mean that I wish anything bad for them.

That was it. That was the final piece for her to be able to look at me without strangling me with her eyes. I'm hoping that she saw that my reporting her wasn't about hatred, dislike or ill-will.

For the rest of the night I made an extra effort to show this woman that I DO care about her. I did it out of genuine care for her - not out of guilt or fear or "should's" or anything else.

That was freedom. Not just for me, but for all of us.

We got out of there on time. Unfortunately, she still asked an employee for a ride home. She's still not "getting" it, but at least she had enough within her to make some steps tonight, both as a manager and as a person.

Paul was right when he said, "For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms."

And I would say that before we struggle against these things as they impact other people, we must first struggle against them in and around ourselves. It's hard to fight when you're all bound up by your own crap.