Moments

I'm very tired, so I don't know if what I say will make much sense...

Lately I've had moments where I've thought about moments. Life is comprised of these and although at any given moment I might feel a certain way or think a certain thing or be in a certain environment, etcetera, I'm still the same person.

Mostly.

I'm not talking about defining moments - just the ones we all have every day.

Yes, there's something to living in the present, and I can be pretty good at that, but there's more. There's being aware of life in the present.

I said I feel like my life is flying by before my eyes and that's true. But it's also true that I am still living my life - as long as I am aware of the moments (as in the experience rather than the time), I am living. Moments and experiences and circumstances and things come and go, but I remain - still alive and living.

I AM (referring to God now) lives. What I see and experience is a miniscule micro version of the Great I Am and how He is and works.

If one human being can have such a rich experience, can have so many thoughts and feelings and complexities... and there are billions of human beings when you count all those who live, have lived, and will live.... and humans are specks, each a mere breath of God, then why do we try to simplify God and say He is this way or that way? ... just a thought on a tangent here....

Last night I said something to my son in a terse tone of voice. What I said was okay; It was my tone I didn't like. I recognized it immediately and immediately apologized and looked at myself to figure out what was going on. It was then that I had to admit that I was hurting about what's-his-name and bottling it up. If I'd tried to blame my son for my tone or mood I wouldn't have seen the unresolved issue I had, a sort of log in my eye.

And there are other moments. Like this morning.

All I have to do is look at my dogs and they wag their tails. I look at the cats and they start purring. I don't even have to touch them, just look at them and they are happy. Ganyahde (the puppy) is particularly funny. I just look at her and she rolls over onto her back, paws in the air, tail wagging.

How can I not smile at that?

And if I remain wrapped up in my own crap, I would miss that. Oh, I would see it, but would not experience it.

So I'm grateful for the animals. They truly are gifts.

And I'm grateful that God has created us in such a way that we can be aware of such moments, aware of our experience, aware of our awareness. It is in that way that we can experience life more richly. No amount of money in the world could give me that.

Are some of the moments I've experienced recently messages from God or are they merely moments of experience?

Remember how I was saying recently that I've had the sense that spring is coming in a non-literal sense? How I said I felt like I'd taken a step out of a dark place?

I wonder if that is somehow connected with that whole experience of fresh flowers and rain (remember that?). If it is, then it means there is something to hope for, something bigger than I know about. I don't know.

I look at all the houses on my street, think about all the houses in the city, in the country, in the world. In each of those places there are people experiencing a moment right now. If you add up all of those experiences, all of the "moments" that they are having in this moment, you have a whole lot of moments and see that time is not linear.

I know that this all sounds strange, but that's okay too.