Hard To Give To - Part 1

I'm a little lost at the day job today. What I've been doing hasn't worked well enough for me, so I have to do something different. I did have a plan, which I'd started on, but it requires a great deal of time, I no longer have an assistant (can't afford one), and so I'm thinking about whether to implement the plan partially or to change it altogether. Since I can't just sit here, I'll let the back of my mind work on the problem while I tell you about what else happened yesterday.

Sunday morning: I worked Saturday night and didn't get to bed until 5am. I felt like crap and, knowing I had to work Sunday afternoon and Sunday night, decided I would try to get some sleep. I don't know what time it was by the time my body wound down and I fell asleep, but I don't think it was too too long.

Dogs were jumping all over me at 7:30 am. They really needed to go out. I took them out (gotta do it one at a time). I went back to bed.

The phone rang. I'm not going to answer it.

People are moving about downstairs. I try to tune them out.

I fall asleep and hear banging on my door. It must be one of those door to door salespeople. I'm not getting up for that.

A few minutes (I think) goes by.

More banging. God, make them go away, I have to sleep.

A few more minutes...

More banging. Is that my front door or someone in my kitchen? What if it's my son? What if something's wrong? No... my son would just come right in to my room.

What if there's a huge problem with the house? I don't hear any commotion... Do I smell smoke? Is the house on fire? Nope. Forget it; They can write me a note. I'm tired of jumping at everyone else's request. I so need to sleep.

Then there's HUGE banging, jolting. Like the kind of banging that the police do when they really need to get someone's attention.

Could it be the police? A problem in the neighbourhood? An emergency? Oh, my goodness, there's no reason for the police to be at my door unless someone died. I have to get up.

I stumble to the door, forgetting to grab a robe to cover my Winnie-the-Pooh pajamas. I glance out the window. How many police cars are out there? None.

Crap. Not the police, so who could be banging my door like that?! I'm seriously annoyed now.

I didn't try to hide my annoyance when I stood behind the door and bellowed, "WHO IS IT!"

"It's me from next door" shouts my neighbour (who happens to be a police officer).

I open the door, now actually trying to hide the frustration and annoyance I feel, which seethes out of me anyway....

"Hi, how are ya." (but I bark it out rather than say it) ..... telling myself to unfurrow my brow....

"There's a lady in your driveway. She says she's a friend of yours and she's driven here all the way from Toronto. She walks with a cane and the sidewalks are sheet ice because of the freezing rain. Do you want me to help her to the door?"

"What?! No one from Toronto is coming to see me! I've worked all night! I'm not expecting anyone! It must be a mistake!"

He stands there blinking.

Why can't I stop scowling? My facial expression betrays me so often.

Why, when I was trying to say something in a normal tone of voice did it come out sounding so awful? Ugh.

I look at him - he's still standing there blinking - doesn't know quite what to do. He's never seen me behave like this. Poor guy is just trying to help. He saw a lady with a cane trying to walk on sheet ice, having driven a long way, she can't drive back due to the condition of the roads and he's a nice guy - can't let her break her neck, can't leave her sitting in her car in an ice storm. He also wants to help his neighbour. He's busy, has to go out... none of this is his fault yet here he is being scowled at by his neighbour who he was just trying to help.

Oh.... I can be such a b-e-o-t-c-h!!

"What does she look like?" I ask.

He's completely thrown off. He starts to describe her. I peek and see the car.

Blasted. It's not a mistake. I know who it is and she DID drive all the way from Toronto and it IS the middle of an ice-storm. She IS my friend and I love her, so why do I still feel so miserable?! What's wrong with me?! I'm actually glad to see her, but still soooo tired.

I look at my neighbour again. He's staring at me. He looks like a little kid who just got in trouble; He looks a little bewildered.

He said, "I salted your sidewalk and your steps, but it's still all ice. I really have to go out. Do you want me to help this lady?"

Me: "Well, I certainly can't leave her there and I'm not going to make her drive all the way back to Toronto without seeing her. She really is a friend of mine. I just don't know what in the heck she is doing." (Notice how rude I am - I don't even thank him for salting the sidewalk or trying to help!)

Him: "I'm sorry I banged so loudly on your door. Your friend said she'd tried, but you didn't answer."

Me: "It's okay. I was trying to get some sleep. I worked nights."

Him: "Yeah, I figured something like that."

Me: "Man! I thought 'It's the police and someone has died!'"

He raised his voice, partly making light of the situation and partly releasing some energy, I think, and he said:

"Ya... Well it IS the police! And no, nobody died."

Part 2 is coming.