Sniffing and Praying

What's-his-name knows I know about his lying and is now emailing and calling a lot. I know that if I read his emails that I will want to believe the things he says. I know that I'm vulnerable when it comes to him (I know why, too, but that's a whole other topic) in ways and to depths that I'm not vulnerable to anyone else. Therefore, it is important for me to protect myself. I just keep saying "God is my protection". If it's God's will for this situation to turn around, then it will happen; I don't have to stress and try to figure that out. God knows that He's gonna have to pretty much work a miracle (or two or three) and then bash me over the head to get me to believe that I'm to talk to what's-his-name.

And what is with guys and this game of come here-go away? ... Never mind... I know what that is.

Funny thing, though... as mad as I am and after everything he's done over the years, I caught myself praying for him today. What in the heck is that about?

Did a lot of heavy work tonight. My upper back, hands, wrists and shoulders feel like they're on fire. The feet hurt as usual. BUT that awful feeling, that awful I-swear-my-back-is-broken feeling isn't there. Not even a hint of it. I keep thinking about that feeling of the metal rod coming out of my back during that prayer time. I keep thinking about Pastor R praying for the balm of Gideon to be poured over me (I think that's what he said, anyway).

Forgot my lunch today so had to buy a burger. I was worried about how that would effect my tummy, but it was okay. Then they forgot to charge me for the burger and by the time I remembered and told them I hadn't paid, they said not to worry about it. So I got a free burger. Bonus!

Things have taken a negative turn re my refinancing. Prayers about that would be good.

If God gave me back everything the enemy has stolen from me, I wonder what that would look like. I wonder what I would/should do if that happens. I think maybe I shouldn't think about it because I might just get crushed yet again.

The dogs slept with me last night. I was thinking about that smell of fresh flowers and rain. I sniffed the air. You know... dogs don't care that somebody is sitting beside them when they pass wind!

Okay - no more sniffin' the air too hard when the furbabies are nearby.

Sniffed my deodorant to see if it smelled like flowers. Nope.

You all are gonna think I'm some sort of a nut, goin' around sniffin' things! haha!

Do you ever pray beneath your consciousness? I think I'm talking to God almost all of the time but am really not conscious of it. I know someone else who once told me that she knows that she prays in her sleep. I've woken up praying before, but I think that while I'm sleeping I'm just snoring or something.

Working both jobs tomorrow. Better try to go to sleep now.