Privilege Is Invisible

Lots happened today, but the body is tired and the brain is saying "SLEEP!", so I'll just jot down the brief stuff that I don't have to think about.

A man came into the restaurant tonight. I said "hello", he said, "Hello, I'm so pleased to see you."

But the way he said it was... I dunno... weird or strange... not usual.

My intuition told me that there was going to be something important about the interaction with this elderly man. That sense that something was about to happen was so strong... I was curious.

The scene was like something you'd see in a movie where someone appears and turns out to be an angel in need of earning his wings, or an alien who'd come from a pod and snatched a human body. Of course, I only thought this stuff - wouldn't dare say something crazy like that out loud.

I wasn't the person taking orders, so I went back to doing my own work.

The woman who was taking orders - I'll call her Chitra (not her real name) - came to me and told me that the man specifically asked that I be the one to take his order. I thought that odd, but went to take his order.

Chitra is one of those people who is so sweet that even the grouchiest people are softened by her. Know her for five minutes and you can't help but like her.

The man started to give me his order, then told me that the reason he wanted me to take his order was that he could not understand Chitra and that she could not understand him. Still, it took me a minute to see what was really going on. Chitra does have an accent and does speak quietly, so I thought maybe the guy couldn't hear her or didn't want to bother trying to understand her. As he spoke, I waited to hear his accent. I was waiting to hear why it was that Chitra couldn't understand this man.... But he didn't have an accent or a speech impediment... Then I realized what was happening.

He wouldn't even let her put his order in the bag!

Why? Not because she's Indian, but because he is a racist.

I was furious.

I felt powerless.

I can't imagine how Chitra felt.

She was polite. I was just this side of civil. The other staff and customers stood there with their mouths hanging open. Nobody could believe what they were seeing and hearing.

At least half of our staff tonight would fit into the category of "visible minority". Except I don't see them that way. I see them as my co-workers; I see them as people I care about; I see them for the individuals they are and the colour of their skin or the shape of their eyes don't impact my feelings toward them any more than the colour of their hair or eyes.

I wanted to scream at that man. There were a lot of things I wanted to say to him. I wanted to throw him out of our store and tell him never to come back - but I did not have the power to do that.

I went to the manager and told her what happened. I could not hide my outrage by that point even if I'd wanted to. I asked her for permission to throw him out, to refuse to serve him if he came back. She said I could.

That guy better not come back.

I paced and thought about all of the things I wish I'd said.

I went to Chitra and, in front of everyone, said I was so sorry for what had happened and that it was all so wrong. I told her I was sorry I didn't throw the guy out.

You know what she said?! "It's okay, I'm use to it."

Use to it?! No one should ever have to get use to that crap! It shouldn't happen enough that anyone would become accustomed to it.

Yeah, yeah, I know these things happen all of the time. But the fact that it happens all the time is MORE reason to be upset and outraged and I just don't accept a "live with it 'cause that's the way it is" kind of attitude.

And I agree that perhaps it's easy for me to say that because I am white and I don't have to put up with that every day of my life like some people. Nobody crosses the street to avoid me because they think I'm going to rob them - based on my skin colour; Nobody leaves a room because they think I'm going to give them a disease - based on my skin colour. I know what sexism feels like; I don't know what it feels like in combination with racism and/or ableism, and/ or homophobia, etc.

Privilege is invisible.