Well, this is stupid.

So, I was down.

I decided to give up. Forget it. Quit. It's no use anyway.

Got up and went looking for a place to curl up and never move again.

Thought, "Well, this is stupid. Giving up because there's no point... yet giving up guarantees that there will be no good outcome."

Decided that, instead, I'd just have a pity party for a while.

Thought, "Well, this is stupid. What good is that going to do?"

Decided that I should try to do something useful but couldn't figure out what, since it seems like everything is pointless anyway.

Thought back to Sunday and how Pastor P had talked about having someone else speak scripture over another person.

No one here... but maybe I could speak scripture over myself?

What is that going to do? Why bother trying?

Well, it can't hurt me, right? Okay, I'll get up and grab my bible.

I don't want to move.

I don't think I CAN move.

Suddenly frightened. What's going on here? Why can I not get up and get my bible? Why does my body not listen? What the heck is this?!

I waited. I waited for God.

Then I got up without effort, got my bible... So what do I read?

Ephesians, the armour. I've already got it highlighted and can find it quickly.

My eyes scan...

I find this:

"Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them. For it is shameful even to mention what the disobedient do in secret. But everything exposed by the light becomes visible, for it is light that makes everything visible."

Is this not part of my calling? Yes, it is. I would dare to say that in some ways it is part of what we're all called to do.

hmmm...

I read some more, just scanning then reading, and read this:

"Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of men in their deceitful scheming."

ouch

One could look at the words "every wind of teaching" and take it as a concept that could include every wind of thought, cynicism, fear, and circumstance.

ouch

I am faithless and weak. I have to grow up.

I rested there, letting my mind wander. Soon enough ideas started to flow through my mind - which is what happens when things are "normal" for me.

Had a change of mindset and have now reclaimed what's left of my day.