Miracles

The tenant moved out; It wasn't pleasant. In spite of a letter from my lawyer requesting that she move out at a reasonable hour, she was here moving at midnight. That meant no one could go to sleep.

I finally had to call the police. She didn't care. She scoffed and laughed at that.

She still didn't return my property, nor did she return the property she'd taken from the others in the house. She did not return keys, so I've had to change the locks. After she left we found a number of items in the room which didn't belong to her - things we've been looking for that had mysteriously disappeared.

Her door handle is completely broken off. Of course she didn't do that. Must have been gremlins, I guess. The paint on the wall is wrecked where she use to climb in and out of the window at times when she'd forgotten her keys. The carpet (which is only a year old) is destroyed. It's filthy, stained, matted, crushed, and covered in red spray paint.

She left behind a bunch of furniture and over a dozen bags of garbage.

I wanted to cry. I don't have the money or even the credit to fix all this and have the garbage hauled away.

I changed the locks and had new keys made. Most of the furniture she left is gone now. There's still so much to do, though.

The other woman who lives here gave her notice that she's moving out. (The one who couldn't take the shower when she wanted) There's a part of me that doesn't care. I secretly want my home back. But the reality is that I can't pay the bills with the tenants; I don't know how I would manage without them.

My son has been a blessing. He let me rant and rave about it and came to look at it - not that he can do anything - but having someone listen and understand is a big help.

My lawyer, in his perfectly enunciated manner of speaking, said, "I think your tenant has some issues."

Somehow that struck me as terribly funny and I laughed while my lawyer remained silent and absolutely composed and serious (which made the whole thing even funnier).

We had a snowstorm and I spent a lot of time shovelling. I guess working at the restaurant has strengthened my body; After shovelling I was much less sore than I expected.

While I was shovelling, my shovel broke.

Nita the dog broke her leash and took off down the street. That was a big deal, but she's back at home safe and crazy in that way that I love so much. (Tie-outs for dogs are expensive. The ones I get are supposed to be unbreakable.)

I went out and bought a new shovel (on credit - that totally sucks). By the time I got back, my neighbour had shovelled the new snow that had fallen in the meantime. That was really nice of him. My property was shovelled four times, and two of those times it was the neighbour who did it.

I decided to look at the things that I felt grateful for, the blessings that I do have. A fear came upon me. I was afraid to feel grateful in case that which I felt grateful for might also be taken away from me. I know that's not a rational thought, but it does fall into line with what's been happening.

But that kind of fear is not from God, so I'm fighting the negative thought that brings that fear.

God has a plan. I don't know the plan and I don't understand why all of this is happening especially given that I've been doing my best to do what He wants. It seems that people who lie and cheat and steal get ahead, get whatever they want and I'm paying. But the reason for doing what He wants is not so that I can have some reward; It's because I want to do what He wants. Therefore, I will keep doing it (in my messed up human way).

I'm hoping and praying for miracles. Maybe the miracles are all around me and I don't see them. The fact that I'm alive at all is a miracle. The birth and life of my son is a miracle. These beautiful dogs, the wisteria tree outside, frogs in the summer, my sister and niece and nephew, the neighbour who shovels my walk, the woman who makes me stew and the barley thing, that I was born in a rich part of the world, that I'm healthy enough to work and shovel snow and haul garbage, my cats, the elderly lady next door.... Maybe those are the miracles.