Mouse

Got out of the night job late again - and the only reason I got out was because I left. I'm tired yet my body is still in work mode. I'll do some breathing exercises and focusing exercises in a little while.

So, I'm just going to jot down what the day was like. I haven't had a minute to really think about much.

At some point I want to write about the concept of "simply accepting"; also what I mentioned before about sowing and reaping. Also thinking about this whole concept of "The Law of Attraction" and why I think it's dangerous. That's a big one, though and I don't know if I'll get to it.

I had court this morning - I didn't have to prepare because I didn't have to speak or anything, but I was still supposed to be there (for reasons that are irrelevant to this post). I left nice and early, figuring I'd leave lots of room to get stuck in traffic (which is always the way with rush hour). I even thought I might get there early enough to visit with the courthouse chaplain before court started.

Nope. Accidents, a car fire (no, not my car- Hey "P" - Do you remember the time I set myself on fire when I was driving? hahaha!), and people slowing down to look at what was going on with the traffic coming the opposite way made the drive impossible. Over two hours when it should have taken 40 minutes. Over two hours and I still wasn't even close to the courthouse. I had missed it even before I could get there.

Was ticked off at the situation and upset with myself because it was important to me that I get there and I didn't make it. I hate failure.

Went home to get changed and got a call from someone I'd been talking to about the business - He knows a gazillion people and I want him to understand what we do. I also think I can learn from him.

He wanted to stop by my house for coffee. I said yes.

Put the kettle on to prepare for my new way of making coffee.

Did the "dash-and-stash" to hide the mess somewhat. (gotta remember not to turn on the oven before I empty it - ha!)

Had a nice visit. Talked about a lot of stuff. He told me about some situations where he'd met people half way even when he was certain he was right. I thought that was good. Too often I go all the way even when others are wrong and I'm right - and then they expect it again and again - and then I end up getting mad and finally push them back and they don't understand what happened and I end up as the bad guy. I like the meeting them half-way even if they're wrong but not necessarily giving away the farm approach. I'll have to practice that one.

Worked at the day job.

Got an email from a friend who referred me to her employer re our services. Should I hope? I'm certain I could help them - will have to send them some info and then wait and see.

Called my sister - her birthday today - nice conversation.

Looked in my fridge - just to look in it 'cause it's full.

Looked at the hydro bill. I can't pay it. So frustrated and worried.

Threw the hydro bill on the table and went and looked in the fridge again. Yep. There's really food in there.

Went to the night job. Manager tried to pull the same crap again with the staying ridiculously late. I knew that was going to happen. I left anyway - (her boss and the boss above that boss told me ahead of time that we should all just leave) - but the other employees felt bad, so they stayed and waited for her. Then I felt bad. I keep reminding myself that all of these people are making choices and those choices are not my fault. Still feel bad, though.

Prayed for them all. Prayed for my friends (including you who are reading). Prayed for my boy and my animals. I love them all. I prayed for me a little, too.

By the way - what's-his-name did email me like I predicted. Just one sentence -"You'll never hear from me again". That's his way of letting me know he's erasing me. That's the result I was aiming for, but it still wasn't easy to take.

"Don't throw your pearls to swine" - yeah, that could apply here.

I feel like a mouse in a maze.

Look at how petty my life has become.