Nope

The night job people called me in early and kept me late. Supposed to get out at 1am but it was closer to 3am.

Had to push to get my break.

Worked again with a woman who criticizes everyone - she says she's "just helping". I don't believe it. Did my job, helped the manager, helped on everyone else's job. I actually don't mind; What I minded was sweating and working like mad while some others lollygagged. I minded having the wicked stepmother literally standing over my shoulder telling what to do and then telling me it was wrong (when I knew it wasn't).

I was sweeping the floor, which is the-wicked-stepmother's job anyway, and she was walking behind me inspecting, looking hard for anything I might have missed. If she has time to follow me around and criticize, why does she not have time to just sweep the floor herself? I thought it sad that this (criticism and bossing) is one of the few ways in her life that she can gain any sense of power. I also thought, "One more word out of her and I'm handing her this broom and walking away." (I'd been putting up with it all night) Of course she did it again. I chose to pray silently instead of causing a fuss.

The manager expected a ride home - which means an extra 30 minutes before I can go home to bed. (They all know I have to get up at 5 or 6 am). She didn't ask me - just expected it. I like her and don't mind doing such things for people. I don't even mind being inconvenienced or sacrificing for people. But I do mind when they do have other options and choose not to use them. I do mind when they don't bother to even ask me, yet expect a sacrifice.

Then I "snapped". This is my version of "snapping", anyway. I left. I left her standing in the parking lot with my co-workers. It's not that they should have to take care of it, either... I also knew they wouldn't leave her alone there, that they'd wait until her family member could come or a cab could come.

I felt guilty. It's not the fault of my co-workers. It's not their responsibility and I don't see why they should have to suffer. It's not fair to them. But so often I take on things that are not fair to me because I don't want to see someone else suffer something that's not fair to them, either. I have to remember that the reason my co-workers had to deal with this is not because I wouldn't give the ride - it's because the manager didn't take care of herself to begin with. If she had asked for a ride, she would have known the answer was no and could have made alternate arrangements earlier. (I also knew that her family member had just talked to her on the phone so would be available for her).

Still, I felt guilty and then I felt angry because I'd been put in that position, then I felt guilty for feeling angry. Screwy, I know.

Halfway home I realized someone had stolen some things from my coat pocket - nothing big, but they were my things and no one had any business going into my pockets.

I had been told by management that there is a theft problem so not to leave money in my pockets or bags. Why tell people to do that? Why not just solve the root problem? That's screwy too.

Didn't get to bed until 5am - but that's when I'm supposed to get up.

Decided I'm going to write to management and tell them I cannot work that late anymore. I'm afraid of that - concerned about the consequences.

Thought I'd sleep for an hour. Slept through the alarm and missed a meeting. My day is totally messed up.

Let someone down today because I missed that meeting. Upset with myself about that.

Went to make a coffee. The coffee maker is broken.

Wanted to throw it against the wall.

Nope - not gonna do that. No. I'm not quitting today.

Father, please please help me. Please turn this situation around.